so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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