I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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