My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
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My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
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Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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