So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
