Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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