If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I party with great urgency now.
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