Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
