i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
40s are totally the cure
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
