Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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