Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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