I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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