I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
