My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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