my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
