We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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