I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
