so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
