How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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