Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
