i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My vagina just clenched in fear
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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