It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
