i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
