we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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