Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
