Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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