A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
