You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
