nut hugger
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
