You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
