This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
