the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
