You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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