I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
