ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
