He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
