I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He felt like a one man threesome
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
