May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
