I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
