literally had 100 drinks last night.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
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took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
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Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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