nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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