dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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