You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize