You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
