im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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