Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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