my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
