i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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