I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
