i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
