I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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