how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Michael Bay diarrhea
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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