Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
