just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize