I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
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You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
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My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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