Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
