I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
