There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
