how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
