I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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