Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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