Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
