i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
