FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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