Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
