Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
