After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
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I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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