Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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