You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
