sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Everyone says I win the strip club
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