My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
